eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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