Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
