Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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