so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
