I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
