i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
