So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
