Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
