So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
