So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
