Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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