So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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