ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
