return my video game
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize