fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
