no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
