I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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