bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
