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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
