Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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