A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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