So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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