College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
