you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
