I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
