i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
