FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
