Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
