I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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