Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
