Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
