oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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