walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
