how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
