Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
