my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
