this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
