you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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