i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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