Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
