We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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