idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
