Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
