Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
