Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
