I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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