What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
