he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's shark week go big or go home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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