Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
