So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
