SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
