and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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