Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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