I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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