I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
