your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
