Apparently you make a good broom.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
