Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He better not be in your backpack
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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