Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
