sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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