My friends, they love my intelligence
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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