I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
