I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
